The other day we were discussing about desires. The discussion was a very wide ranged. It covered various aspects of desires and various questions which arose around it. The discussion was very lively and and was oscillating between being funny and serious. There were examples of how to control desires or are all desires bad. Why is desire considered a negative word. What are the consequences of desires which are unfulfilled. It was a healthy and thought provoking discussion.
A) So what is desire ?
In simple words desire arises when we want something. That something could be an object like the latest gadget in the market or that desire could be attention from someone, that desire could be a trip to a foreign country or a beautiful place, or the desire could be to earn x amount of money, that desire could be getting a promotion at the job and many more like these.
B) Is desire a bad word or is having desire a bad thing
Desire is definitely not a bad word. It is a word which is used to express one’s want to achieve something. Having a desire is surely not a bad thing. Infact it is said that everyone should have desires. If a person does not have desire how would that person progress. A desire puts in motion a series of events and pushes a person to plan or scheme or a create path to follow with which he can fulfil those desires.
C) Are all desires bad ? Is there a good desire.
Lets say you have a desire to get a promotion in at your work place. Is this is a good desire. Ofcourse it is. If you get a promotion you will get a social status, you will get more money in hand which you can fulfil dreams of your family and get things which you or your family always wanted. In another example lets say you have a desire to get the latest version of iphone which you know is way beyond your financial capabilities. If you keep fantasising about the iphone then it is a bad desire. It is bad because it is affecting your mind. You keep immersing in the imagination that you are doing things with the iphone and this is causing you stress. Rationally at the back of your mind you are aware that the gadget is beyond your means and even if you purchase it is going to cause a big dent to your pocket.
Another way of looking at the credibility of desire is what is end effect of achieving that desire. A person having a desire which will affect the human kind is always a great desire. These kind of desires are infectious that is they spread. More and more people join the person in fulfilling that desire. Take example of Mahatma Gandhi whose sole desire in life was to get rid of Britishers from India. The entire humanity benefitted from his desire. Or take Nelson Mandela’s pursuit of happiness through freedom. They had the desire and it spread among the people and millions joined them in achieving their goals. These type of desires are good to have whereas there are desire where only the person gets benefitted which essentially are not the bad desire but the means to fulfils them could be wrong. And this could end up in that desire being a bad desire. An example here would be a person at work place using wrong means to get promotion. He takes the credit of the work done by someone else and presents it as done by himself and gets promotion. This is a bad desire. Many times parents do not discourage children to use bad means to achieve desires. This could lead to a habit where children think that using unfair means is a way to achieve their desires.
D) Why do desire arise ?
Desire arise because one indulges in fanciful imaginations related to object, emotions and thoughts. This is based on your likes and dislikes. One will never have desire for the things he does not like. Due to his likes and dislikes he is biased towards his desires. Previously in the example where a person desires an iphone, inspite of the fact that he know it is beyond his financial capabilities, he starts by looking at an iphone advertisements. He then places himself in the shoes of the person in the ad and starts fantasising the things he would do with iphone. And with all these fanciful imaginations he loses his discrimination capacity and falls for the lust and desire of iphone. He purchases an iphone and soon realises all the fanciful thoughts are unreal. They were in his mind but now when he has the gadget in his hand, it is not giving him the output or the happiness which he imagined. Whereas take the other example of Mahatma Gandhi. He also fancifully imagined that one day India’s flag would flow freely at every nook and corner of the nation. He also imagined that one day every Indian would roam the streets with his head held high. These desires had a cause and that cause was greatest of all causes as it was for the motherland.
E) Is there a way to control desire ?
Absolutely !! There are lot of techniques to control your desires. One of the most effective ways I have seen is to hold on to your desire for 30 days. This is a desire which is very effective for materialistic things. Lets says you saw an ad and the product mesmerised you. You went into the journey of fanciful thoughts and started day dreaming about it. You started building castles in air and kept drifting away with it. But you also realise that it may have its own negative effects so what you do is you stall the purchase of the product for 30 days. You wait for 30 days and see if those fanciful thoughts still keep your mind occupied. Incase after 30 days you still think that you need the object, then it is not your desire and it is need. But after 30 days you have almost forgotten about the product, then it means that it was a desire and does not need you time, efforts and money.
In this world of influencers and digital marketing it is very difficulty to keep away from such things. One of the reasons is that we are ignorant of the real world and keep ourselves occupied in the unreal world. The way to know about the real world is to deep dive within and know the real self which is full of happiness and joy.